


Hemingway Hero (Stucky)

by sprezzatura



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel 616, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-World War II, Steve Rogers Has Issues, World War II
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-30 16:42:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5171654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sprezzatura/pseuds/sprezzatura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>2015<br/>His key found its place in the lock and his fingers spun it around.  When he opened the door, his world was spun around as well.<br/>He was seized by the collar of his jacket and forced against the wall next to the door frame.  His shoulders came into contact with the solid surface first, his head following after.  The air was forced out of his lungs and he was shocked that someone had the strength to do so.  “What’s my name?” the man in front of him demanded.  It took a few seconds for his eyes to focus after his skull cracked the plaster.  However, vision was not necessary to determine who his attacker was.  He had heard that voice innumerable times throughout his life.  There was no mistaking the desperate tones laced in the gravelly words.<br/>“Bucky,” he breathed out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter I

**Author's Note:**

> I will hopefully be updating this work at least once a week. If you want to receive emails when I upload a new chapter, feel free to drop me a message or email. I will do the best I can to keep the chapters consistent. If you are Sterek trash as well, you can read my other fic Goner http://archiveofourown.org/works/6571507 cheers x

\-  ”Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country.” -

Ⅰ

On paper the mission seemed easy enough. All they had to do was deter the flight pattern of the jet and take out the pilot and assets.  Steve had been briefed in the intentions and tasks which didn’t differ too greatly from those of the past.  S.H.I.E.L.D. had always excelled at making him feel as if the workload was manageable even though it wasn’t at times.  

Up until a month ago, the organization had also been fervent about keeping the Captain out of earshot whenever information regarding his childhood friend was disclosed.  James Buchanan Barnes, “Bucky” to the few he allowed get close to him, had remained in captivity for weeks on end until the agents felt he was no longer a danger to the general public.  Steve had also remained in captivity, but not the kind you would expect after he had almost drown. He was locked up in his own thoughts.  His mind still hadn’t figured out how to wrap itself around the fact that Bucky was still alive.  There was also a consistent aching in Steve’s chest due to the fact that his best friend hadn’t recognized him until he was sailing over the edge of an aircraft poised above a river.

፨፨፨

The team was again positioned over a vast body of water, this time lacking the Winter Soldier.  Rogers had to close his eyes to force thoughts of him out of his head.  A clouded mind could be fatal in a time like this.  All of the preparations needed to land had been taken care of.  The only thing left was to land the plane itself and corrupt the other jet.  By the time S.H.I.E.L.D. vehicle was nearing the end of its flight sequence, Steve had coaxed himself into a fighting mindset.  The room around him jolted as the plane touched down at a rural port in Boston.  

“Agents, prepare for exit,” Fury’s voice rang over the intercom.  Rogers, Romanoff and Wilson stood in the clearing room until the hatch was opened and they were escorted out.  The team was then met by another helicopter which then carried them to the location of the enemy jet.  Once again they prepared to exit the aircraft.

Natasha dropped down first, securing the exterior.  Rogers fell next with a parachute secured tightly to his back. The updraft whipped through his hair and seeped under his mask.  When the jet was in his line of sight, he fumbled for his cord.  Once he blindly located it, he let it out along with a breath the wind stole from him.  The solid metal hit his boots with a noise loud enough for his ears only. The blond peered around in an attempt to find his red haired partner.  She was crouched behind the cockpit, ready to infiltrate.  Steve opened the small hatch at the back of the jet and let himself inside.  His body slipped through the opening with agile ease.  Once he was steady on his feet, he took it upon himself to become accustomed to his surroundings.  

The blue eyes of the captain met those of the machines in front of him.  It took him a few valuable moments to realize what he was faced with.  The silvery muscular arms caught his attention first.  It was almost as though as he was facing a funhouse mirror with Bucky next to him.  There were dozens of models whose resemblance to the Winter Soldier was uncanny.  Several full body robots stood in formation while some discarded single body parts were scattered around the floor.  

Rage filled Steve Roger’s head and veins.  The only thoughts that crossed his mind were those of revenge for his best friends.  Sam’s voice interrupted his anger briefly, telling the team that Natasha had taken out the pilot, it was time to evacuate.  That wasn’t an option for Steve; he had his heart set to kill.  The door to the cockpit slid open, revealing an unfamiliar face and a Hydra badge.  Rogers lunged forward.  

With an anger filling his gut that he had never known, the Captain swung at the intruder.  He went down in one blow.  That was nowhere near enough release for him, he kneeled down over the man and struck him repeatedly with his fists.  He wanted this man dead, wanted him to pay for the things he had done to James Buchanan Barnes.  It wasn’t fair, it should’ve been Steve that sailed over the edge and into that ravine.  Instead his best friend, the only person he loved, was captured, tortured, brainwashed, and turned into the shell of a man that was when they had met again months ago.  The image of Bucky’s face twisted into confusion when they had battled in the middle of a highway and Steve had first recognized him was permanently seared in the back of his brain.    His train of thought and flying fists were stopped by Natasha’s voice.  His mind had wandered away from the fact that he was in the middle of a critical mission.  She aided him to his feet and together they climbed into the control room.  

፨፨፨

Romanoff didn’t say a word as she piloted the jet back to the port in Boston.  For that, Steve was ever grateful.  After minutes of shouting from Fury and Hill over the intercom, he eventually tore the device out of his ear and discarded it on the ground. He surmised that he would be hearing the same spiel immediately following touch down.  Steve had time to think for the time being.  As they had been doing for the past few months, his thoughts drifted to Bucky and everything surrounding him.  He remembered the look of confused recognition plastered on his face just moments before he pushed Steve over the edge and into the water.  He remembered waking up on the shore of the river and seeing footprints to the left of him that disappeared into the brush, leading in an unknown direction.  He remembered the note left on his bedside table that one morning, months later, when he had woken up tempted to just abandon the search.  

Steve,

I remember everything.  I do not want you to look for me.  I will find you when I am ready.  If you are seen with me or someone finds out, they will hurt or possibly kill you.  That is the last thing I want.  Now I know why I couldn’t kill you when I had the chance.  You were the only person I had.  There’s no telling when I will be able to reach you, but do not look for me.  The time will come when you will see me.  I promise you this.

Bucky

The letters were messy and he could tell Bucky’s hands had been shaking when he wrote it.  Steve carried the neatly folded paper in his pocket wherever he went nonetheless.  It was the only ounce of hope he had left.  His mind often lingered on the fact that Bucky had been in his room, barely three feet away from him, and had gone unnoticed.

Just days after finding the paper, he had packed up all of his belongings and moved to the only place he thought logical, Brooklyn.  The city no longer reminded him of his parents death but of something that made his now undeviating heartbeat falter and his now enlarged muscles tense up.  The overpopulated city now felt empty.  It used to be so alive with color and voices but was now dull and barren.  Steve felt more at home than ever.


	2. Chaper II

“What the hell were you thinking? Oh, sorry, you obviously weren’t thinking!” Nicholas Fury was even more intimidating when you pissed him off. Steve had done an exceptional job of that today with his actions on the jet. He was now racking his mind for an excuse that would satisfy Fury’s anger. In all honesty, there wasn’t a single acquit to be found; What he did today was inexcusable and Steve knew that very well. When he finally lifted his head to the source of the hateful words, he saw that his boss’ expression had changed into what he might have called pity if he hadn’t known better. “We have decided to put you on leave for a week. Absolutely no exceptions, even if World War III breaks out. Do I make myself clear, Rogers?” all the blond man could do was nod and grimace in response, he didn’t trust himself to speak just yet.

፨፨፨

His muscles ached and screamed whenever he moved too quickly. Being the stubborn soldier he was, Steve blamed it on the adrenaline that had coursed through his veins just a few hours prior. He was now attempting to gain control of his trembling hands long enough to unlock the door to his apartment. All he wanted was to sleep for another seventy years. Maybe not quite that long, but he didn’t find human interaction necessary for at least ten years at the moment. His key found its place in the lock and his fingers spun it around. When he opened the door, his world was spun around as well.

He was seized by the collar of his jacket and forced against the wall next to the door frame. His shoulders came into contact with the solid surface first, his head following after. The air was forced out of his lungs and he was shocked that someone had the strength to do so. “What’s my name?” the man in front of him demanded. It took a few seconds for his eyes to focus after his skull cracked the plaster. However, vision was not necessary to determine who his attacker was. He had heard that voice innumerable times throughout his life. There was no mistaking the desperate tones laced in the gravelly words.

“Bucky,” he breathed out. His thoughts and heart began to pulsate. His body was then shoved onto the hardwood floor but his mind didn’t even register the pain, his thoughts were consumed with the fact that his best friend was in his apartment and no longer in captivity. “Bucky,” he said it louder this time. The grip on his wrists loosened and the figure on top of him recoiled. Bucky’s breathing slowed and the aggression left his body in a sigh of anguish.

“Are you sure?” Steve’s heart broke at the question. He stared into the eyes that plagued his mind, searching for recognition or something that indicated that his friend was still in there.

“Of course I am, you’re my best friend,” he choked out. Tears were definitely not forming in the corners of his eyes. Captain America did not cry. Nor did the Winter Soldier. Instead the older man moved to his feet and began to pace around the kitchen. Steve followed him and settled into a chair. His eyes traced Bucky’s figure and watched his every movement. To the untrained eye, it would look as though he didn’t trust his friend, however it was the complete opposite. He was terrified that he would attempt to jilt Steve when he still had so many unanswered questions. The hands of the clock that hung over the stove continued their circle and the two men remained in silence.

“I ju-” Bucky paused to regain his composure. “I just don’t understand.” Steve’s face twisted into confusion.

“Understand what, Bucky?” he questioned the man in front of him. There was a slight hesitation.

“Why you didn’t kill me when you had the chance!” His voice was laced with despair. “I mean, I know why I couldn’t kill you, but why didn’t you just do it?”

‘Because you are the only person I have ever loved. You are the only person I have left. I am in love with you.’ was what he wanted to say. “I-” he sighed, trying to collect his thoughts. “We grew up together, Buck. You were the closest thing I ever had to family. You were everything to me; without you I have nothing.”

The brunette’s face dropped. He lunged forward from his relaxed position against the counter. The next thing Steve knew, Bucky was leaning across the granite, his face just inches away from Steve’s. “Don’t you ever say that. Do you hear me? I am nothing. You are everything. I will only ever drag you down.” the ex-assassin leaned back against the counter. “This was a bad idea. I should go.” he began to back out of the kitchen and towards the door.

“Bucky,” Steve called out in desperation. It was, as it always is, too late. By the time the captain had turned around, there was no sign that his best friend had ever been in his apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is awfully short. I am so sorry. I am a terrible person.  
> But!! Let me know what your thoughts are on the chapter length.   
> Do you want them longer? Shorter?   
> Your feedback really helps me know where to go with the next chapter.


	3. Chapter III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while! I hope you don't hate me for not posting in months. This chapter is short but there is so much more to come!

III

It had been 17 days. Still no sign of Bucky. S.H.I.E.L.D. didn’t even have an idea as to where he could be hiding. Steve was absolutely at a loss for words. Agent Coulson was questioning him for the hundredth time that week on exactly what happened that night in his apartment.

“What did he say right before he left, again?” Phil interrogated.

Steve sighed in exasperation before replying. “Listen, I know this is all valuable information, and I want to find him as much as you do, but I’ve told you everything I know. Bucky said ‘This was a bad idea,’ and I’m starting to agree with him.”

There was truth in his words. He was pondering the possibility that the whole situation had been a mistake. He should have known Bucky wouldn’t stick around. Steve was then left with the question of why Barnes had even shown up in the first place. It’s not like he got any vital information out of Steve. He was heartbroken all the same.

Naturally, Steve spent the next few days locked in his apartment, phone turned off and curtains drawn. He was racking his brain for any possible explanation of Bucky’s brief appearance. The only time he left the comforting barrier from that his house provided was to revisit the Smithsonian.

፨፨፨

Steve was going to need an entire carafe of coffee before he could even begin to process what he had just witnessed. His mind was completely at a loss for words and any rational explanation. He crumbled against the wall of his apartment as soon as the door was securely locked. It had been three weeks since the last time he saw him and he was still consistently on Steve’s mind. It was possible that his subconscious had conjured up the image of the man with cerulean eyes wearing a black jacket with the collar turned up in the the late spring. He shook his head in a vain attempt to rid it of the doubt. It was him- it had to be. There was no one else who could simply disappear in the blink of an eye like that.

He soon reassembled his carefully constructed professional facade, pushed himself up from the floor and over to the counter where his beloved coffee machine was sat. After setting it to brew a full pot, he fished his phone out of his back pocket and tapped on the first contact on his speed dial. “Nat,” his lips let her name escape in a sputter of air he wasn’t aware he’d been holding.

“Deep breaths, Rogers,” she advised. “What happened?”

Thinking about it again collapsed his affectation. “I saw him. At least I think I did. It was his eyes eyes, and his hair, and well- it’s much longer now- but it was him. I’m sure it’s him. And I think he saw me too.” His words were stitched together by adrenaline. The blond pressed his mobile to his ear with his shoulder to pour himself a mug of the umber liquid while he waited impatiently for a response.

“Does Coulson know?” was all she posed.

“No. God, no. He can’t know about this. The only thing he has on his whereabouts is that he ditched the implanted tracker a mile away from the Shield center and that was almost a month ago. He could be on Mars by now for all we know,” he knew he sounded desperate but at least that was genuine. His hand was threatening to crush the mug it held so he instead pressed it to his lips and swilled down more than half of the coffee.

“Steve, did you really think we would make it that easy for him? That tracker, if you can even call it that, was only put in to distract him from the device we put in his left arm. Though we can’t exactly reach that one at the moment,” she trailed off, clearly waiting for the captains imminent outburst.

“You what?” Steve didn’t know which part made him more incensed, the fact that Stark Tech had unnecessarily harmed Bucky or the fact that they could have found his location if they had tried harder. Suddenly his vision was clouded with ire. He barely recognized the fact that his hand was soaked with blood and coffee from the fractured mug.

“Listen, it’s not what it sounds like, they’re trying everythi-” the blond didn’t let her finish her thought.

“No you listen, S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn’t understand what he means to me. They only see him as a science experiment, especially Stark. He was, and still is the only person I have.” He knew that wasn’t exactly true, Natasha and Sam would do anything for him and he for them, but it was different when it came to Bucky. Everything was different with Bucky. He was the only person in Steve’s life that was always there. Until he wasn’t. Now the only thing Steve wanted was to find him again, and today, he had come closer than he had in weeks. “I’m going to go over to the tower. I’ll talk to you later.” and with that, he slammed the phone onto its cradle on the wall.


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's been forever and I don't really have an excuse for not updating. I hate myself.

When Rogers arrived at the tower, he hastily checked in and strode towards the elevator. He opted for the stairs after remembering what happened the last time he was in the confined metal box. Once he reached the penthouse level, he hesitated at the door. His fingers ran over the worn paper in his pocket, mentally reciting the letter. Maybe Bucky had decided that the time was finally right. Maybe he was scared that S.H.I.E.L.D. would capture him again. If that was the case, then Steve might not be able to forgive Tony Stark ever again.

Pepper Potts’ smile faltered when she opened the door to see Steve practically seething. “Steve! We- uh we weren’t expecting you,” her words were rushed, clearly frazzled.

“Where is Tony?” the blond had no time for small talk.

“I believe he’s meeting with Happy but they should be done fairly soon,” she offered.  
That was all the information he needed. He brushed past her and started towards Stark’s office.

“Stark,” his voice held no sympathies for the fact that the man was in the middle of a skype conference with his head of security.

“-We can deal with that breach another day. What I’m most concerned about is- Rogers, didn’t anyone ever teach you to knock?” Tony’s voice dripped with sarcasm.

“We need to talk.”

“Happy, I’ll call you back,” and with that all the screens in the room shut off, leaving the two men in an uncomfortable silence. Steve was first to break it.

“A tracking chip, really, Stark?” he seethed.

“I uh- I can explain.”

“I’m listening.”

“You see, there are dangerous weapons located in the arm, poisons, explosives, whatever. We couldn’t have him blowing up so we needed to get alerts if anyone tried to activate the arm or if he tried to take it off himself,” Tony rambled.

“Can you find his location?” despite the anger still swirling in his gut, Steve knew that what Tony did actually helped Bucky in the long run.

“Not exactly,” The brunet saw the captain’s expression of confusion and continued explaining. “We could for about a week, but then something in the arm interfered with the signal and it just shut off. We haven’t been able to track him since.”

Something in Steve’s mind clicked. A week after Bucky was released he had shown up in the apartment. He must not have wanted Stark to know he was in contact with Steve.

“When exactly did the connection go out?” he wanted to know.

“Three weeks ago,” he stopped to look at his watch, “today.”

Steve couldn’t breathe. He didn’t know whether telling Tony about Bucky’s appearance in the street earlier would help or hurt his situation. He eventually decided against it.

“Earth to Capsicle.”

He looked up, not having noticed that he had spaced out completely. “Sorry.”

“Do you have any idea of where he could be?” Tony wanted to know.

“No,” he lied through his teeth. He did have an idea. However, it had been at least an hour since he saw him in the busy streets, his old friend could be anywhere by now. The feeling in his gut told him otherwise; he knew he was still close.

“Well, Cap you'll be the first to know if we find anything.”

Steve nodded his thanks before backing out of the room. Unfortunately he couldn't return the favor to his teammate.

፨፨፨  
After Steve exited the cab, his body went on autopilot, taking him up the stairs to his third floor apartment. He let himself in and began cleaning up the shattered mug and coffee he'd spilt on the hardwood floor that morning. The jagged cuts the broken glass had left on his hand had healed before he even left his flat. His mind was so exhausted from over thinking every possible detail about the events of the morning it took him longer than it should have to notice the shift in the atmosphere of the kitchen. His shoulders tensed on instinct as his hands balled into fists. He sucked in breath and whipped around only to come face to face with grey - blue eyes.

“I know why I’m here.”

Steve was taken aback when Bucky spoke first.  He raised his eyebrows to encourage him to continue.  

“I remember you.  I think I remember... everything,”  he let out.  Bucky curled in on himself, as if he regretted his words.  He appeared uncomfortable, unsure of his surroundings.  

Steve took a step in his direction and he immediately backed towards the cupboards.  

“Hey it’s alright, I don’t want to hurt you, Buck.  I just want to help,” Steve tried to calm his friend.  “What do you remember?” 

The Winter Soldier, who wasn’t exactly the Winter Soldier anymore, went on to describe what he could recollect from their childhood together.  He recalled meeting Steve, when he saved him from a rather aggressive bully in an alley somewhere.  He told him about the times Steve was extremely ill and Bucky wouldn’t leave his side for days until the symptoms subsided.  What surprised Steve most was how detailed his memories were.  He even remembered some things the captain had almost forgotten about.  He was almost brought to tears when he reminisced about the time Steve rescued him from the Hydra base in Germany.  That was the beginning of the end, the beginning of the torture and brainwashing Hydra had inflicted upon his best friend.  

He could hear a smile in Bucky’s words when he told the stories of their past but there was still so much sadness etched into his face.  Steve couldn’t begin to imagine the things he had seen and gone through while under Hydra’s control.  He wanted, with his entire being, to go back and change it all.  Alas, he could not.  All he could do now was to help piece together what was left of his best friend, James Buchanan Barnes.  


End file.
